I've been looking forward to #12 as a milestone - I am now halfway done with my adjuvant therapy, and 2/3 done with my total treatment. Only six infusions left!
Seth and I spent hours on Friday morning talking through my fears for my treatment, and I cried more than I have at any time during this illness, including at diagnosis. He listened to my concerns and read the articles that I handed him and dried my tears, and ultimately said, "We need better information." I realized that he was right - we didn't need more information, but we needed actual data, not anecdotes. Even the articles from reputable sources were of limited helpfulness when they quoted doctors' opinions rather than facts, and many of them contradicted each other about which side effects were most likely to occur. But then I found the results of a National Cancer Institute study called NSABP P1 , wherein 13,000 women at high risk of getting breast cancer were randomly assigned to receive either tamoxifen or placebo. The primary goal of the trial was to assess the value of tamoxifen in preventing cancer, but it also included a set of questionnaires to as...
I went to high school with a woman, J., who was diagnosed with brain cancer 12 years ago. T hough she and I weren't close friends, we have stayed in touch over the years. She still writes on Facebook occasionally about her experience with cancer, although having passed the 10 year milestone, she is now considered to be cured. Recently she wrote this: G etting chemo on Christmas Eve 2004: 74 lbs. no hair of any kind, eyelashes, brows gone, finger nails going black and lifting so badly I thought they would fall off and bone pain so intense I was sleeping 23 hours a day. And turning slightly yellow because I have a pissed ass hell liver. Don't call me brave. Make me laugh. Be real that without a wig and facial hair, yes I look like Gollum. PRECIOUS. Say it to me in that voice, and give me your best come hither look. And let us both laugh because, good lord that is what is needed. J. is not alone in this feeling; most of the women I have talked to have c...
Treatment last Thursday went well - I used Emla, the numbing cream Maddie prescribed for me, on my port, so this time connecting my line was painless. And the infusions, once again, were very easy. After only three treatments, I already feel like a pro - so by the time I get into my adjuvant treatment, I imagine I'll hardly even notice it's happening. This is such a blessing - if each of these treatments was an ordeal, it would be much harder to face the remaining fifteen. Prior to treatment, I saw Maddie and Dr. Hurvitz for my usual checkup. I got to ask Maddie a number of questions that I've accumulated since my last treatment: Is my treatment chemotherapy or not? This question stemmed from a debate, mostly semantic, that Seth and I had, where he thought it was and I thought it wasn't. The answer is that he was right - technically. Technically, it is chemotherapy, because the definition of chemotherapy is any treatment that causes cell death. Maddie sa...
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